Versus
by hpfanfreak06
Summary: Rachel finally breaks in the war against herself. AU


Note: I found this story the other day while deleting some old documents. I'm not the greatest at dialogue so forgive me. Takes place after Rachel and Puck sing "Need You Now."

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

She was playing the part. It was her job as a star to forget who she was and be someone else. Underneath the gold star exterior and the Puckleberry harmonies were fragments of her heart. The pounding of her veins beneath her dry winter skin, her throat holding back the anguished sob that threatened to relieve itself, revealing her slowly dissolving exterior. As the music started her eyes went to the boy who had infiltrated her heart, maybe even her existence. A small miniscule part of her wanted him to believe a lie, that the lyrics were meant for Noah. But a quick glance was passed to prove to him otherwise.

She loved him. Even in his egotistical state with his pity party following him even in sleep, she never stopped. This was why she had spent her entire life training, for the moment when her heart would smother itself, when she would have no choice but to play the part of Rachel Berry. A confident, self-respecting, take charge kind of woman. Who could at the sound of the first chord, could pretend to be completely in love with someone else. So she sang to the guitar playing boy next to her, and to the audience it seemed so true, and maybe real. She was well aware of the tales that spread like a plague from the mouths of the Glee club. But because she was Rachel Berry, she chose not to silence them, stop the plague and continue life, rebuild. No, she walked the halls with the same determination she had always held. Only allowing herself a moment of weakness in the girls bathroom, alone, staring into the mirror as blueberry flavored ice stained her cheeks. Sobbing into her gold star studded binder, wishing she were someone else.

Her pain could only be heard through song, Rachel Berry would use the characters emotions, circumstances to find that pain. Rachel would sing through her pain, the words somehow describing everything for her, willing her to speak, the truth coming to the surface in the those brief few minutes. She would let that pain overwhelm her, until suddenly the music would fade away, and she was Rachel Berry again. It is so much easier being Rachel Berry than just Rachel. She had tried being just Rachel with Finn, causing her fairytale to come to a crashing halt. Rachel was vulnerable, subject to pain. Rachel Berry would have to stay, she couldn't handle Rachel anymore.

She hoped Finn could hear Rachel's pain through the lyrics, Noah also seemed to be singing the lyrics for her, letting Finn know that she loved him and only him, she needed him, Finn that is. Noah would have to suffice until her world was glued back together and the harmonies found their way back to each other. The song ended, and Rachel Berry forced Rachel to remain hidden from the world that would never understand her. She always believed Finn understood her…but then she was Rachel then. And Rachel never doubted anyone, let her heart make the important choices.

As the room filled with murmured claps she stole a glance at the person who had forced Rachel out. His eyes looked pained, sad, maybe remorseful. One look into the depths of brown and she bolted. Rachel Berry never bolted, stormed off yes, it was in her nature, but bolting from a room was not a star quality. Turing the corner she was met with her daily dose of slushy. It was grape this time. Without even taking a glance to see who had thrown it, she headed straight towards the bathroom, her place of solace from those that taunted her.

Her small hands gripped the sink, drips creating a Jackson Polluck like painting against the white porcelain. Rachel Berry's eyes met Rachel's. And that's when she lost it. Collapsing onto the floor, shattered and broken. Her sobs echoed off the tiled walls, hiding them was lost now, no turning back, she had let Rachel out of her protected bubble. Closing her pooling eyes, she sobbed into her arm, wishing for once that something, anything would be okay. The sounds of her choked sobs masked the slow, heavy footsteps coming toward her. Whoever it was had hesitated for a moment before sitting down next to her, wrapping their arms around her. Rachel had thought it was Noah at first, but then she smelled it. Grass, dryer sheets, and a scent that was so uniquely him. This only caused her to sob harder. She didn't question why he was there, there was no need, he was there. Slowly her crying became small sniffles, but she couldn't look up at him, she needed this moment, here in the arms of her greatest comfort. The silence was all she needed, and then he spoke.

"You know, I've never understood exactly where pain comes from." She looks at him then, confused by his statement, but before she could force words through her silent crying, he continued. "There's the physical pain, a torn muscle, broken bone, even a headache. That's the kind of pain we can explain, it's a universal. But then there's that pain that no one can explain. When you lose someone and your heart physically aches. I wasn't sure what that felt like, and to be honest I thought it was some made up description from all those romantic novels girls read."

He pauses, keeping his arm around her, shuffling themselves against the bathroom wall.

"But then…you happened. I thought what I had with Quinn was love, first love sure, but love. She never really even broke my heart, barely scarred it. The moment I met you I knew my life would be different, hell, I would be different. There was always something about the way you looked at me, and at first it scared me. So much though that I spent a lot of time considering running back to Quinn. But then , I would see you and I'd tell myself, now that girl, she's worth everything. So I chased you."

She waits for him to continue, pressing her hand to his heart, knowing that always calmed him.

"When I had you, there were no what if's? or doubts. You erased that tiny scar on my heart. We were happy, weren't we?"

"Completely."

"But then you broke my heart. Shattered me. I think hearing you cry as I walked away tore it completely in half. And for the first time in my life, my heart physically hurt. I couldn't breathe, or think at all really. You were the first girl I ever loved and you broke me. And I was so positive you didn't feel an ounce of the pain I was feeling. Until you sang today. Somehow it's always music that gives me a sense of understanding. You were trying so hard to tell me, force me to see you. To notice all the changes, that you weren't you anymore. And when I finally realized that, I knew I had to start chasing you again. Because as far as I know it, you are it for me, the end of my tether. You are my forever."

Silent tears dripped slowly off her face, she pushed herself closer to him, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," into the creases of his shirt.

"I forgive you. I love you."

Those six words were all they both needed to know with certainty, that the confusion, stubbornness, loneliness, and everything else that tares two lovers apart, was gone. The tether was secure, fashioned out of everything that is strong and perfect. Rachel had won in the fight against Rachel Berry. But with the defeat, Rachel Berry left Rachel with more determination and will then she thought possible. And sitting there, against the faded white tiles of a high school bathroom, Rachel and Finn found each other again.


End file.
